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Michael Davison's avatar

We all remember with fondness Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister.

In the tradition of Sir Humphrey Appleby, here is the reason nothing gets done……quickly, it’s just carefully considered

Below is a fully‑formed Sir Humphrey Appleby–style briefing note, written exactly as he would present it to a Minister seeking reassurance (or obfuscation) about why UK infrastructure projects take so long. It is structured, bureaucratic, and exquisitely unhelpful — in the best possible way.

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BRIEFING NOTE

From: Sir Humphrey Appleby, KCB, MA (Oxon)

To: The Minister

Subject: Allegations of Civil Service “Inertia” in Infrastructure Delivery

Classification: For the Minister’s Eyes Only

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1. Purpose of Note

To provide the Minister with a comprehensive explanation — or, where necessary, a comprehensively confusing explanation — of the factors contributing to the perceived elongation of major infrastructure timelines, and to equip the Minister with appropriate language to rebut claims of bureaucratic delay.

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2. Summary

It would be wholly inaccurate, Minister, to attribute delays in infrastructure projects to “inertia” within the Civil Service. The apparent slowness is, in fact, the natural and unavoidable consequence of:

• Rigorous procedural safeguards

• Interdepartmental coordination requirements

• Statutory consultation obligations

• Judicial review contingencies

• Fiscal prudence protocols

• Environmental, ecological, archaeological, hydrological, and occasionally ornithological assessments

In short, Minister, the system is not slow — it is thorough.

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3. Key Points for Ministerial Use

• “The Civil Service does not delay projects; it protects them.”

(A reassuring phrase that sounds decisive while committing you to nothing.)

• “Infrastructure timelines reflect the complexity of modern governance.”

(This implies that anyone who disagrees simply doesn’t understand modern governance.)

• “We must avoid the perils of precipitate action.”

(A classic defence: speed is dangerous, delay is responsible.)

• “The public would expect us to proceed only after full consultation.”

(The public rarely expects this, but it is helpful to say they do.)

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4. Detailed Explanation (For Deployment When Cornered)

Minister, major infrastructure projects necessarily involve:

• Pre‑feasibility studies

• Feasibility studies

• Pre‑consultations

• Consultations

• Post‑consultations

• Impact assessments

• Re‑assessments of the impact assessments

• Cross‑departmental steering groups

• Steering groups to determine the remit of the steering groups

• Gateway reviews

• Pre‑gateway reviews

• Post‑gateway reflections

• Value‑for‑money analyses

• Re‑analyses of the value‑for‑money analyses

It is therefore mathematically impossible for such a process to be completed quickly without undermining the very safeguards designed to ensure that it is completed properly.

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5. Recommended Ministerial Lines to Take

• “We are streamlining processes while maintaining essential safeguards.”

(This commits you to nothing but sounds modern.)

• “We are accelerating delivery where appropriate.”

(The word appropriate is doing all the work.)

• “We must balance speed with accountability.”

(No one can argue with accountability.)

• “The Civil Service is working tirelessly to ensure best value for the taxpayer.”

(Always popular.)

Each of these lines is designed to be deployed repeatedly, regardless of the question asked.

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6. Risks and Mitigations

• Risk: Media claims of bureaucratic obstruction.

Mitigation: Emphasise “due diligence”, “public consultation”, and “value for money”.

• Risk: Opposition demands for faster delivery.

Mitigation: Suggest they are advocating “reckless haste”.

• Risk: Select Committee scrutiny.

Mitigation: Provide extensive documentation. The volume alone will exhaust them.

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7. Conclusion

Minister, far from demonstrating inertia, the Civil Service’s approach to infrastructure delivery exemplifies the highest standards of administrative prudence. Any attempt to accelerate processes risks undermining the very foundations of responsible government.

As ever, I remain at your disposal should you require further clarification — or, indeed, further obfuscation.

Alexis Edwards's avatar

Isn’t part of the reason for higher costs in the UK related to how risk is managed and priced into construction costs? The whole subcontractors and external agents vs in-house is downstream of decisions to minimise risk at the very significant outcome of higher costs. Another factor is quality which is being ratcheted upwards through increased demands for nicer things or more bureaucratic requirements. With the project management triangle if you want high quality and your timescales are rigid your costs are going rise to compensate.

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